August 26, 2014 SOL

Well, it has been a long time since I’ve participated in the SOL writing. My goal was to keep it up and document my move, my new job, my new lift. Honestly, I think this is the first time I’ve turned on my personal computer.

I first started with a draft where I listed every single thing that has gone wrong. My goal at the beginning of last school year was to be more positive, and I definitely got better. I’ve been trying to keep that up through the summer and into this school year, but on Friday something happened and I just hit my breaking point. And then I didn’t even get to react in a way to really get over everything, and I’m not sure how or when I’ll get there, do that, whatever.

Life isn’t perfect, and I know that. I don’t expect perfect. I’m just in a mood now where I’m wondering if this whole change is really worth everything. Then I remember I couldn’t stay at my last job just because it got to the point where I wasn’t making enough money to pay the pills, so the change had to happen.

I think at this point I’m not burnt out, I’m just worn out. I’m trying to figure out ways to breathe and taking every opportunity I can.

I read something the other day that I’ve read many times before, but it has stuck with me the past few days. It was something about there are things you want, and then things you actually WANT. We may tell ourselves we want some goal or some thing, but our actions take us somewhere else. I think the example they used in the thing I was reading was you may want to organize your office space, but what you apparently really want is to watch that episode of Real Housewives. So I’m trying to think about what do I really want, what will it take for me to get it, what do I need to do, and am I really going to do those things I need to do.

Lots of rambling here, but I just *wanted* to participate in the SOL Tuesday. 😉

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