I have a friend who has this amazing relationship with her sister. This weekend, Friend was trying to accomplish one of her goals she’d been working on for so long. She’s had a lot of things go not-as-planned in her life, and her sister has been like a rock to her. Well, towards the end of trying to accomplish this goal, Friend broke down. She just wanted to quit, and told her sister she was done. Sister looked her in the eye, said, “Let’s do this,” and stayed right by Friend’s side until Friend was done.
There are pictures from this, and it makes me so happy to see people have these types of relationships with their sister. But it also hurts, because I don’t have that relationship with my own sister. I have a very small family, and most of them weren’t around when I was growing up. My sister and I used to be close, and I have no idea what happened. I have tried all that I know to do, but I’ve come to that point where I think I just need to accept we aren’t close.
I think the thing that hurts the most is that it feels like she just doesn’t value me as a person. The best I am is a back-up plan in case all other plans fall through. And sometimes, I’m not even good enough to be a back up.
I have tried expressing this to her, different times, and in different ways, but I’m always met with anger. Or being told that I’m the problem. I can accept that I haven’t been perfect, and I can change some things, but I can’t be the only one.
If this were anyone else, I’d have let them go out of my life a long time ago. But I don’t have much family, and I wanted this to work. It sucks that something I want so much, I really can’t have. And I can’t just go out and find a new sister. This, I think, I just need to accept.